idk as stupid as it sounds, i feel like i kind of finally got my round of karma.
before mario, i talked to another tumblr user and i thought i liked him a lot and we made plans for me to fly out to him and i was gonna stay with him but it all happened so fast and he told his mom about me and everything. i didn’t want to do it anymore, so i told him that and i literally broke his heart like im such an asshole and i feel awful about it everyday. to this day, he still occasionally texts me things like ‘i’ll always love you’ ‘i’m going to marry you one day’ and it makes me sad because i was so scared that would happen to me and what do you know… look what happened.
anyways, back to mario, we talked about it and everything and i told him how fucking mad i was and how disgusted i was and how i dont trust him in the least anymore and he was crying and stuff and he felt horrible. but i dont know, i dont fucking trust him at all and he lives in New York and i live in California so if we dont have trust, we have nothing. He promised he’d never let it happen again and that he loves me so much and he doesnt want to risk losing what we have and stuff but i dont know we still have 4 months until i move over there, which is basically around the same amount of time we’ve been talking so like idk are you sure you can fucking hold back your urges for that long. and i’m so stupidly in love so i know i’m going to forgive him because i know he loves me more than anything even though he fucking did that. he was drunk and the guy was straight and all they really did was drunkenly fall asleep together and cuddle and fucking felt each other up (it makes me sick to think about it) so i dont know.
and idk, the worst part is i fucking talked to this piece of shit named comet and he promised he’d take care of mario for me, and yet he fucking did this to me like wow really you fucking suck.
i feel so sick honestly i havent been this sad in so long